I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My friends, they love my intelligence
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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