don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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