I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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