OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
