Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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