he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
