You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
two words: eviction party
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
