Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
