My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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