I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
