I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize