You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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