I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
