going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
