It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
All the doctor said was why
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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