if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
