just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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