Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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