saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
