I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
