woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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