Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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