people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I am spending my child support on dildos
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
