is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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