i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
