new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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