i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
