I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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