I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
