Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
