hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
