She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
