Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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