i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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