he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
