Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
