you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize