I wish I could punch you in the face.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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