If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
