two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
