hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
