It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
