i think my tv is drunk
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
