Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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