my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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