I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She bit a glass in half.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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