he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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