you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
