Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
