a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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