My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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