I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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