my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Someone shattered a urinal.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
