When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
