Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
