I forgot how hot balto sounded
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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