Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize