that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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