what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
