loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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