I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
