is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
