Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
