How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
