there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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