so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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