Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
