I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
